TWO STEPS FORWARD

2:48 AM Pia San Felipe 0 Comments


I can't move, I don't want to move, I don't have enough courage to do so. But I did and I have left the past two steps behind.

I guess I'm pretty much in a state wherein I am near to absorbing that this really is the dead end. Every inch of my being is starting to accept that this is really over. I am in that stage where looking back doesn't seem to be such a bad idea; I'd read our past conversations, look into my box of things you've given me, scroll through the posts I blogged for you, remembering every memory of you and I, all of it seemed wonderful. I mean when you think of it, it doesn't seem so bad. We had fun, we were happy, and it just so happened that things turned sour and maybe it is just not meant to be.
I think you will always be that boy who first made me feel really special, with the little surprises and all. You will always be that person I never thought would have this huge impact on me. You're a wonderful person and more than anything, I would love to bring the friendship back. When I think of it now, I wish we both didn't push to be more than just friends, to be something more than buddies. I was reading our past chats and I realized how comfortable we could have been if we remained just friends. I miss horsing around with you, the pretend sweetness, our imaginary relationship (hahahahahaha I still laugh out loud whenever I remember how silly and hilarious we were), and just about every crazy antic.

One day, when all the hurt (and hatred if there was any) is gone and we have both gotten over what happened, we'd just smile at the past and be friends again. I never liked losing friends and I have a feeling that I would not want to start with you (though as it looks right now I already lost you). Yeah, one day I hope, everything in its time.

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