ON BEING AN AFTERTHOUGHT

4:43 AM Pia San Felipe 0 Comments

I was never the pretty girl, the funny friend, the witty one, the trendsetter, the intellectual being, the thinker or even the leader. I guess I'm pretty just average, the follower, the one that goes along with the flow, the tail. Hearing other people tell me that I'm pretty never felt good because it feels as if it was just an afterthought, that they just said it to me to be fair because they praised the people I am with. Sometimes it hurts but I got used to it, I mean, it sunk in that I am just mediocre. Not the one that stops you on your tracks or cracks you up or makes you catch your breath or give you something to think about. No, I was never the one that stands out, not the one you would pick out from the crowd. That's how I learned to blend in because I know that my star has already begun to fade before it even started to shine. I never felt that I was pretty and I guess that's pretty much just how it rolls, so I learned to just admire people from afar. I mean, I see those girls that the society parades around and I think to myself how they could be so stunning and that where was I when it rained beauty from heaven. Being just average makes me feel like it's all that I could be. It makes me feel like I can't talk back because I'm just a nobody; it makes me feel like I'm the most hideous person on earth; it makes me feel like I cannot give a comment about someone else's appearance because I don't look good; it makes me feel like I can't be better than anyone because I'm just average; and everyday someone makes me feel more and more like average is all that I could be.

I wonder if someone could ever love an average person like me, if someone could ever even manage to be seen with someone as average and mediocre as I am, if someone could be as average as me. I mean, I'm nobody, I don't know. My self-esteem has just flat lined.

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